I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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