Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
