I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
