batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
