Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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