I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
