You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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