nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
