It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
