last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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