i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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