Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
