I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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