Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
