just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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