I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
