I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
