Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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