sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
