eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize