If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
