just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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