Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
