burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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