Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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