He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
