brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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