i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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