I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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