we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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