i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
