walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
