I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
