He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
