Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
