god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
