You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
