Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
