Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
