At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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