your parents love me but you hate me
If that was your dad, he is hot
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
