I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
