i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
