Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize