If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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