so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
