Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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