peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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