btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
