please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
