I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
