problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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