Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
