It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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