Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
