She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
