woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
