rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
