You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
