Non-Jews are for practice
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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