"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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