oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
