There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
