You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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