did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
