I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles