they're staring at me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door