i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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