It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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