Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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