I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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