I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
