my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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