Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
