every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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