You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
