Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
